I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
