I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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