She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
