I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
