So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Threesome in a minivan. New low
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
