I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
as a side note pls kill me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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