Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
