dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
