I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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