I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
