It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
