I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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