I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
