I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize