im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
did i just pee glitter
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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