Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
