I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
