The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize