That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
