it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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