if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He better not be in your backpack
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize