he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
