Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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