Welp...herpes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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