I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
