when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
