i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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