I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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