you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
