I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
