this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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