I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
