I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A bitchslap is in order.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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