i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Still dying that you shit outside
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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