Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
