I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
