If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
