Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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