Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
