You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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