we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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