I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
