wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
