if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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