Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
