Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
