Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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