So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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