Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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