i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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