I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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