Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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