it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i've created a new STD.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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