1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
