That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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