fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
