All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
