what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
