Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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