We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
