i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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