Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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