its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
