I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
