Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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