Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
