there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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