saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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