he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
