Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize