My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
